Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
