Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
