I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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