She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
