saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
