look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
