4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
