Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
