ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
