I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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