Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Ladies don't puke and tell
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
