If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
