I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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