I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
