There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
