I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
