i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
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