I'm pants shitting drunk right now
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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