I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
