So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Bang-toberfest begins!!
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
