Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
