...so i touched it.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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