Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
