Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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