It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you will always have a special place in my vag
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
