i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
