it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize