maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
