dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize