You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
