Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
