i permit you to call me
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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