i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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