are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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