Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
