Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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