help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We need a shit load of segways right now
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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