You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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