As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
