So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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