i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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