the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize