and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
