I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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