I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
