just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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