I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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