haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Randomize
