but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
