i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize