i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
