distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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