i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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