Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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