so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Randomize
