My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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