He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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