i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
