I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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