dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
