i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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