I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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