Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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